Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
