I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
