the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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