You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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