i think my tv is drunk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got inside last night via doggy door
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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