all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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