I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
