I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
