and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
