Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
