Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drake has all the answers
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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