we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
