his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
