Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
