Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
