he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
