2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
