you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
