I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
