I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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