So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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