I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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