It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
