his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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