So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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