i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want her autograph on my taint
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
