Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
