You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
