I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
