so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
