don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this will be a night to untag.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
