I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
