she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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