U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
