Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
