3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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