there's paper in my vomit.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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