i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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