Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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