You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
