Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
