watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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