Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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