PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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