PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
