Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize