You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
