I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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