dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
