Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
