now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
