my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
