just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
