I think I am morally bankrupt
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
