I didn't shave. On purpose
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
