I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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