you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
