I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
