took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
