dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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