so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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