he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
