I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
