I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
