I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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